Wait. Where Is My Paycheck?

Adjusting to parenthood is tough when you have your first baby at 36 years old.  

Of course I love every little chubby ounce of my (now) toddler…  but it was hard to wrap my brain around something, someone needing me for EVERYTHING when I had been living my life for the last decade+ trying my hardest not to need or rely on anyone for anything.  What I’m also trying to say here is that I was pretty set in my ways and adapting to change wasn’t/isn’t necessarily one of my strengths.  

So, fast forward a year later…  and Joseph’s not as needy as a newborn anymore.  He still needs help with basically everything, just in a different way.  And now I’m technically unemployed… I’m no longer that career-driven, independent woman.  And that feels really weird, unsettling, depressing at times, and on bad days…  like I’m a co-dependent leach on my husband.  Lucky him, lol.  

While becoming a parent has definitely filled a hole in my life (that I didn’t know I even had), I now have a gaping hole where my career resided.  Don’t get me wrong, being a SAHM is real work too.  It’s just a different kind of work.  Cutting up food into small Joseph-sizes pieces and making sure he doesn’t injure himself all day long isn’t quite as stimulating as tradeshows and sales meetings (although more rewarding on most days).  

So now I am rethinking my original plan to re-enter the workforce when Joseph turns 2-3 years old and dives into preschool (freedom!!!).  

Is there a magic solution for career-driven women to be home with their kid(s) and still work?  I don’t know.  Selling products to my circle of influence probably isn’t for me (yes, I’ve explored it…  and no, I’m not interested), but more power to you if that route was for you.  I’m still looking for a perfect career that fits into a Mom’s life, but until then I’ll just keep spending my husband’s money!  

Two Months In… Now I’m An Expert.

It’s been another month that I’ve been at home with Joseph (and ironically a month since my last blog post, whoops)… and dare I say that we are all so much happier?  Did I just jinx it?  But, it’s like an invisible switch got flipped, and I’m totally (ok, mostly) loving this new phase in life.

Joseph’s sleep trained (no more rocking to sleep).  Joseph’s on a schedule.  Joseph’s learned to take selfies.  Joseph has a social life!  Which means so does mommy.  I’ve made time for working out and meal planning again. We even had a little neighborhood Valentine’s Day party (cheesy, but who doesn’t love a reason to eat cake and drink champagne) AND we made time for a parents-only getaway weekend to Miami last weekend.  Jordan and I are generally both still sleeping like garbage, but I guess it’s hard to re-train your body that actually… no, that tiny human down the hall doesn’t need to eat two times between the hours of 10 pm and 5 am anymore.

So, if you know me at all, then you know that I need routine and order and consistency in life or I go bat shit crazy.  I  am grateful that Joseph has responded so well to these tiny changes that have had a major impact on our family’s level of sanity.  Sure…  I realize having a baby is like the antichrist to a routine and orderly life, so that’s why I am going to try my hardest to keep this schedule in place for at least the next 17 years.

Note:  No, I don’t think I am an expert… and Yes, my title is sarcastic.  The optimism in this post is generated solely from the good week we’ve had.  Today will probably be a shit show, and I’ll be updating my resume.

One Month In… And Everyone’s Still Alive. 

Well, it’s been one month since I left the working world to become a SAHM and focus on Joseph.  I am happy to report that everyone is still alive and the house hasn’t burnt down!

In an effort to keep the analytical and list-happy part of myself alive, the natural next step here is to make a list of “good and bad” experiences from this past month (and you better believe I’ll be putting this in a spreadsheet)…

 

THE BAD:

Joseph may be getting a little too attached to me (as in he cries when I leave the room or his sight line).  Ugh, this is not ideal.

My house is dirrrrty.  I’m the cleaning lady now, do the math.

I somehow developed a rash/eczema/who-knows-what on my chin this last month… so that’s definitely Joseph’s fault.

I’m starting to forget what regular adult interaction is… friends—please call/text me soon!

A great deal of my time is spent cutting up food into small, Joseph-sized pieces.

I still can’t nap when he naps…  I wish!

My daily wardrobe is now a rotation of the same holey and stained t-shirts.

I definitely miss working and that feeling of accomplishment.  My career has been very important and a major priority these last 15 years, but I thought I’d easily feel fulfilled spending my days with Joseph.  Shifting into this new role has been way more emotional than I expected.

We spend a ridiculous amount of time on Snapchat, and my husband hates it…  but I can’t stop!  🙈

THE GOOD:

Joseph is still sleeping 11-12 hours a night.  Glad I didn’t mess that up.

I’ve lost 10lbs from no longer following the road warrior diet (drive thru and room service).

I have a lot of time on my hands to plan (obsess over) his first birthday party — this could also be on the “bad” list.

Every closet/cabinet in my house is approaching Pinterest-level organization.

I’ve been wanting to take Joseph to weekly swimming lessons since he was born and can finally do it now…  and he’s a natural in the water!  #TheNextMichaelPhelps #DontBeScaredOfTheWaterLikeMe

I’ve nearly perfected my sugar/dairy/oil/honey-free banana muffins.  But, I won’t tell how many batches of bread/muffins I’ve burnt or thrown out this last month though…

I’ve had much more time to explore my cooking skills.  Turns out I’m not too terrible in the kitchen… but not that great either lol.

After a few weeks of trying to be a “go with the flow mom” regarding his schedule (or lack thereof), I think we are finally onto something this week, hallelujiah!  Wake up at 7 am and first nap at 9 am.  The rest of the day is basically a shit show, but whatever.

I’m the lucky one that gets to see him standing in his crib after he wakes up from a nap.  He’s just standing there, sometimes bouncing up & down, just waiting for me and smiling.  It’s the cutest thing ever and the best part of my day!

Turns out getting paid in baby belly laughs, snuggles, and smiles isn’t so bad after all.

Don’t Read Mom Blogs.

 

At my baby shower for Joseph, I had a dear friend hand down the advice of “don’t read mom blogs”…

Don't Read Mom Blogs.2

And look at me now!  Writing a new post for my very own mom blog (…it’s ok to roll your eyes at me).

But, I think the point of her advice was telling me not to listen to all of the “mom chatter” that will surround you once you enter parenthood.  To follow your own instincts.  And she was right.  And I should have listened.

It’s now been two weeks since I left my job to become at SAHM.  Two short – wait no… two loooong weeks of adjusting to this new role.  Two long weeks of trying to figure out Joseph’s schedule (or trying to force him into one, which is just laughable).  Two long weeks of obsessing about being a perfect SAHM, when there really is no such thing.  Two long weeks of questioning all of my parenting choices.  Two long weeks of getting LOADS of unsolicited advice from everyone on what I’m doing, whether it’s right or wrong.

Fellow Moms:  Can we please stop doing this to each other?  Can we agree that there are many different avenues to parenting without vomiting your advice on every other mom out there in existence?  Can we simply appreciate together that we are all just slaves to these tiny humans anyway???

I promise you right here, right now that I won’t be doling out advice here.  Because if you haven’t noticed… I really don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to parenting and better yet, no one can tell you how to raise your own children.  If at the end of the day, your family is breathing, fed and safe…  then you’re doing an amazing job!

And for extra validation (and cuteness)… Here’s a picture of my tiny human from this week.  Looking at me for attention when I was surely texting/facebooking/snapchatting while sitting on the couch instead of playing with him.

Please hold the judgement…  It’s only been two short weeks that I’ve been a SAHM.  

This Is Why I Stopped The Weekly Growth Pictures. 

This Is Why I Stopped The Weekly Growth Pictures.

What mom out there even started this tradition of taking pictures of your baby next to a stuffed animal/other object every week?

Sure, it’s cute and amazing to see how much they grow in just 7 days.  How much a baby will change in only a week is seriously incredible!

But then they start moving.  And having an agenda of their own.  And maybe even picking fights with the stuffed animal they have been posing next to for the last 10 months.

So, we stopped doing weekly shots and just do monthly now… thinking that doing this exercise only once a month would be a piece of cake.  But I was wrong…   Because this kid will.not.sit.still.  I would end this madness now, but then what would I do with only 10 months of these pictures?  My Type A Personality and OCD tendencies MUST see the completion of this (ridiculous and maddening) project!

C’mon buddy…  only two months left.  We can DO this.  Then I promise… the torture (for both of us) will be over!